I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
