I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
