I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
