allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
