Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
