now i know why i became what i already was.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
