we have officially lost it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
