Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
