Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude. I can hear the air.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
