how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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