my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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