then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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