Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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