Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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