She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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