please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
