Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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