you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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