yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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