someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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