Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
