So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
