Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
