Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
