I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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