if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
