a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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