thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
