WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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