your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
