i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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