just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
