I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
