When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
not ubering you a puppy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
