Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
