wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
