I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
