Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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