it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
