He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
