I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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