My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
