I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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