I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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