She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
