i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
