woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
