But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
