Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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