Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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