so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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