Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
