Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
